


A Place to Call Home

by KydBloo



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, i needed something for them cause this well is dry, maybe some sexy stuff later, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:35:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KydBloo/pseuds/KydBloo
Summary: After everything Bev just wants to feel safe and loved.
Relationships: Beverly/Kay
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

** One day after Derry  **

The noises from the airport are overwhelming and Bev laughs quietly to herself at the thought. It was the night after the floods in Derry had almost but not quite torn the entire city down. She snorts again, thinking giving Derry the title of city was a little much. It’s a town at best and now? Well now Beverly doesn’t know if Derry could even be considered that. _Good riddance, s_ he thinks and almost jumps out of her skin as large hand covers her own. Jerking her head up she meets concerned blue eyes on a handsome but familiar face.

”Everything okay?” Ben asks her, his voice soft meant just for her.

Swallowing the fear that had bubbled up in her throat Bev nods her head and tries not to think about the stench of sewers and something else- something old, dead, and otherworldly.

“I’m fine, just tired. I don’t think I’ll ever not be tired again.” She tries for some levity; some semblance of humor but they both hear it fall flat. Ben squeezes her hand again giving her knuckles a quick graze with his lips as he silently tries to comfort her. Bev feels a shiver of panic run down her spine at the feel of his rough cheek against her skin. “He isn’t Tom. He isn’t Tom. This is Ben he would never hurt me.” She thinks trying to quell her feelings.

Forcing out a smile that becomes a little more real as Ben returns it she extracts herself from his grip and stands up. “I’m going to go check my messages while we’re waiting to board. Do you want anything?” Ben scrunches his nose while he thinks and Bev feels the tiniest trace of annoyance curve down her spine. She’s learned in the last couple of days that every decision, big or small, gets the same serious consideration and undivided attention of Ben Hanscomb. It’s probably what makes him such a good architect, but for moments like these, where Bev just wants to know if he wants a Coke, it makes things a little tedious. Just when Bev is going to break the silence and tell him she’ll bring him back something Ben’s face clears and he speaks up. “I am little hungry, but I can get us stuff to eat while you check your messages. Two birds, one stone and all that right?” He grins up at her and Bev can so clearly see the 11 year old shining through the lines on his face, all excitement and aiming to please, that her heart breaks a little in her chest. Feeling a little guilty but not sure why she leans down and brushes her lips softly against his, “You’re very handsome Ben and always have been.” She pulls back smiling at his flushed face and stammering sentences. “And I’ll take some peanuts and a Coke please.” As she turns she can feel the smile turn into a frown on her face and she tries not to think about it too much.

The wall of payphones is crowded and all the phone stations are occupied, so she settles in to wait. Casually watching people around her she lets her mind wander, slipping almost immediately back into dark winding tunnels. What if Pennywise isn’t dead? She doesn’t think she can do this again, not for a third time. Not after everyone they had lost. The more she thinks about it, the more she knows this time feels different. Mike had known or felt it too. They had stopped by Mike’s hospital room the night before and he had told them not to be concerned if their memories start to disappear again. He had said that now the magic or whatever had been in Derry is gone he will probably start to forget too, but would let them know. There had been a look in his eyes though, one that looked like a mix of relief and a little fear, and when Ben had gone to get them some coffee Mike had confided to Bev that he wasn’t sure what he was going to do with himself now. Bev had smiled and kissed his forehead gently, “Live Mikey. You get to live your life however you want to.” When they left Mike’s smile seemed to be a bit looser, his laugh a little less forced and Bev had felt the small balloon of happiness in her chest inflate just a little bit more.

Someone gets off one of the payphones and Bev stands and strides forward. A man reaches for the phone before she can, but she levels him with her best “You better get me that fabric and get it now” look and he passes her the phone with a sheepish look. Taking it she dials the familiar Chicago number and grits her teeth. She knows its coming, knows that Tom was the one who recorded their outgoing message even though most of the calls had been for her.

And yet

_And yet_

When Tom’s voice comes scratchy through the receiver years of training make her spine straighten and her heart beat a little faster; her fight or flight instincts fully in control.

“You’ve reached Tom and Beverly Rogan we can’t co-“ Ripping the phone away from her ear she tries to catch her breath. “I’m in Bangor International airport. I am alive and Tom is dead. So is Pennywise. I am safe.” She tells herself filling her mind with images of her friends, of the Losers, as she had seen them last smiling, happy, and full of hope. Her mind conjures an image of Kay, all the moments they had shared, their laughter, and once a kiss. She feels her heartbeat somehow slow and speed up at the same time but her fingers have stopped shaking as she reaches out and punches in the code to thei-to her answering machine. Tom is gone and the life that she has now is hers.

A robotic voice tells her that she has five messages. Two of them are ones she has saved for upcoming show dates and important info for a fabric distributor. Expecting much of the same from the rest of the messages she lets her eyes roam over the crowd half listening to the robotic voice tell her that the last message was left over a week ago. The next message starts and Bev is jerked back to reality as Kay’s pained voice and ragged breathing comes from the speaker and her world shrinks to a pinprick of panic.

“ _Bev, please Bev you have to pick up. I called the only hotel they had in Derry, but you weren’t there and I don’t know what else to do. But Bev, Tom’s lost it. He-_ “ Kay’s voice breaks off in a stifled sob and Bev covers her mouth in growing horror. She hears Kay take in a shaky breath before continuing, “ _H-he came here, Bev. He came here looking for you an-and he go-got in._ ” Kay is full on crying now, her sobs evident through the distance, and Bev feels answering tears in her eyes. “ _I’m sorry Bev, I’m so sorry, but he hurt me a-and I-I-I couldn’t stand it Bev I told him. I’m so sorry._ ” There’s an abrupt click and Kay is gone.

The robotic voice is back telling her that Kay left that message three days ago, the night she left Chicago. Her knuckles are white from gripping the phone and only an alarming crunching sound brings her out of her haze. God had only three days passed? It felt like they had been down in the sewers for years. Before she can process the last message, another one is playing. Its Kay again, her voice is calmer this time but Bev can still hear the slight manic undertone of the other woman’s voice.

“ _Hey Bev. I just wanted to tell you I’m okay. I-I’m alright._ ” Her voice breaks on the last word, but she covers it quickly with a cough and continues, “ _I got myself to the hospital, bought a couple more locks for the door, and I’m even gonna get a huge ass dog._ ” Bev hears her weak chuckle and her chest aches. She wishes she were with Kay, wishes she could offer some of the comfort that the other woman had given to Bev over the years. There’s a pause before Kay continues, more quietly but with more strength than before, “ _And please Bev, be safe. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you. I don’t think I would make it, I lo-_ ” Kay stops abruptly, Bev holding her own breath waiting for anything. “ _Okay, I just wanted you to know that. Bye._ ” And with another click Kay’s gone again.

Someone taps her on the shoulder and Bev jumps having to restrain the shout jamming up her throat. It’s the man she had to stare down for her payphone, he still looks sheepish but now he’s holding out a relatively clean handkerchief. “Take it. It looks like you’re having a rough one.” Bev looks at him quizzically and the man points to his cheeks, “You’re crying. Keep it. It’s pretty new and I can always pick up another one.” He holds the cloth out to her again and Bev takes it, reaching up and brushing her fingertips over wet cheeks. She wipes her eyes, clears her throat, and thanks the man with a raspy voice. He nods, tips his hat, and goes back to waiting for his turn. Turning back to the phone she catches her last message midway through. It’s Kay and she sounds like she had been ranting for awhile.

“ _-mean God knows how many times you’ve shown up at my house late at night beat to hell. And then all the cryptic shit you said the night you left?! I deserve a call Beverly Marsh! At least to tell me you’re okay and that To-_ “ her sentence breaks off and Bev pushes the receiver to her ear not wanting to miss the tiniest nuance of Kay’s voice. “ _Please Bev. I’m really worried. You left three days ago and I just need to know you’re okay. Just-_ “ A pause this one laced with unsaid things, “P _lease just call me_.”

The robotic voice tells her that this message was left last night. She checks her watch. It’s seven in the morning so that means it’s very early in Chicago, too early to call Kay she tells herself. Another quieter voice tells her that she could still call; that Kay would appreciate that much and after she could move on with her life. With Ben, just like she’s supposed to, like everyone expects her to. The first voice, the one that told her to get a plane ticket right now, rages that it wouldn’t be enough if she can’t see Kay, make sure she is alright, and just hold her. It’s this thought that gets her feet moving and before she can even think, “One ticket to O’Hare please.” she has said ticket in hand and is staring face to face with Ben.

They stare at each other, Ben’s blue eyes taking her in as a sad knowing smile crosses his lips. Guilt comes crashing over her and before she lets it drown her she says, “I have to go back to Chicago…alone. I have-“ she falters trying to find words for her feelings, how she needs to see Kay, how this indescribable urge to hold Kay and make sure she’s whole and safe has overcome her, but instead she says, “unfinished business there.” An awkward silence fills the void between them as Ben studies her; the same completive look she’s gotten so used to in the last three days. Her panic rises as she tries to think of something, anything to say that at least tries to give him a good reason as to why she can’t just ride off into the sunset with him.

Ben is Ben though, and that means he’s good and that he loves her, whatever that may mean for them. He puts a warm hand on her arm, his face clearing of his contemplative look. “Bev, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I want you to be happy. That’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. So find happiness, and if it’s with me I’ll be around. But I won’t be waiting. I’m worth more than that, I think.” He nods almost confirming his last statement to himself and Bev throws her arms around his neck. He lets out a small oomph and reaches his hands around her back, holding her securely. She holds him tightly trying to express how much this means to her before stepping back and wiping her eyes with her new handkerchief. “You’re the best man I’ve ever known Ben Hanscomb and I love you. I just need to figure things out for myself.” He nods stuffing his hands in his pockets and scuffing his boot against the floor, “Well shucks Ms. Marsh I love you too.” She laughs, halfheartedly punching him while still wiping away tears. “Okay, well I have to go my flight leaves-” She glances down at her watch and starts, “Like right now! I’ll call you!” Grabbing the Coke and peanuts out of his hand she plants a kiss on his cheeks and heads off to her gate to Chicago, to Kay, to _home_. 


	2. an unwritten love song

**One month before Derry**

It’s nearly midnight and Bev has a new bruise on her face and a large angry handprint encircling her wrist. She is sitting on the toilet at Kay’s while the other woman hovers over her applying an ice pack to her bruise.

“Hold that there.” Kay mumbles distractedly as she turns to go through the cabinet above the sink. Bev complies leaning back and wincing a little as her spine hits the porcelain. She’s still not fully recovered from the last time Tom had decided she needed one of his “lessons” and the healing bruises on her back still smart. Her eyes follow Kay’s movements while she holds the ice pack to her face. Thankfully Tom had missed giving her another black eye this time. Instead there was a shallow cut on her cheek with a deepening purple bruise forming underneath it, and it hurts. Kay lets out a small “aha” her head almost completely buried in the cabinet and Bev can’t help but let out a soft laugh despite the pain she’s in. She feels her body relax, fully accepting that for right now, while she’s with Kay, she’s safe. Her friend turns, a bottle in one hand and a bag of cotton balls in the other. Her green eyes are sad but determined as she comes closer and Bev sits up ready to give in to the lecture that’s coming. She knows deserves it, knows what kind of toll this must take on Kay; the late nights showing up bruised and bloody on Kay’s doorstep, all the times she asked Kay to lie to their friends so no one else finds out.

Bev’s positon on the toilet reverses their height difference and Kay looks down at her for a long moment. The bathroom light is behind the other woman making her blonde hair look like a halo and Bev realizes, not for the first time, just how beautiful her best friend is. Blonde hair that probably doesn’t even remember what color it originally was, green eyes that pierce and warm you in a handbreadth of seconds, cheek bones most of the models they had worked would kill for, a full mouth the color of soft roses, and a nose that was a little crooked and just perfect. Bev could write poetry about her face, write soliloquies and paint masterpieces about it. She’s broken out of her stupor as Kay grazes one of the cotton balls over the gash on her cheek, the sting surprising her.

“Ouch! Fuck Kay!” she swears, her hand immediately going to her cheek. Kay bats it away and glares down at her.

“I said it was gonna hurt! But you weren’t paying attention so-“ she shrugs and grabs Bev’s chin between her fingers, “Now, don’t move or this will only hurt for longer.” She avoids Bev’s eyes as her gentle fingers go back to the cut.

Bev feels her heart stutter and she gulps at the unexpected contact but manages to keep still as Kay finishes her work. Up close Bev can see each individual freckle on the other woman’s nose, the flecks of warm brown in her green eyes, and how her lips are absolutely begging to be kissed. A warm shiver makes her squeeze her thighs together at the thought of kissing her best friend, and she lets out an exasperated sigh at her own reaction. Kay’s finger still and she glances down at the sound her eyes concerned. “I know it’s a dumb question, but is everything okay? You don’t usually sigh like that, even when your lead model quit last minute at your show last year.” Kay is looking down at her, her fingers still holding Bev’s face gently. Kay’s expression is so soft and open it makes Bev ache and she almost tells her right then. Almost tells Kay how for the last month she can’t get the thought of kissing Kay, of bedding her, to leave Bev’s mind. It’s on the tip of her tongue when she stops herself. She can’t lose Kay’s friendship, will not risk what they have for some fantasy she’s dreamed up. Instead she says, “You and that alcohol swab are more risky than any model not showing up for any show I’ve ever done.” She grins and one of Kay’s fingers brush her lips as they both laugh. Bev tries desperately not to think about it.

These feelings are a relatively new development in Bev’s life. Tom had been making snide comments and passive aggressive remarks about Bev’s “raging lesbian” friend for years, but Bev had known Tom was just lashing out at anyone who cared for her. Yes, Kay was a pretty well known author for her work in feminist studies but she had been married three times, divorced just as many, and Bev couldn’t count the men that she had passed leaving Kay’s in the early morning presuming after spending the night. That had been enough to put Kay in the firmly straight and narrow category in Bev’s mind, and she hadn’t given it much thought since. Then there had come the fateful day about a month ago. Bev was coming over for her usual coffee and gossip and she had passed a stunning red head woman leaving Kay’s home with the same satisfied look the men always wore. Bev had been startled, intrigued, and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She had expected Kay to gush all about this new fling or whatever it was, but when Kay had answered her door she acted like nothing new had happened. She was her usual snarky, funny self-ready to tackle the world one problem and one man at a time, with no mention of the stunning woman she had obviously invited to her bed. They shared cups of coffee, laughed, and gossiped about what the models and other designers were up to. All the while Bev had felt like someone had lit up Times Square in her chest. She knew that she was only giving half of her attention to their conversation, but it seemed like her mind was a record on a loop. She had so many questions.

_Had Kay always been sleeping with woman?_

_Was she sleeping exclusively with woman now?_

_What did it feel like to kiss a woman?_

_What did it feel like to kiss Kay?_

In the end she had asked none of them and had left their coffee session feeling as if she had missed an opportunity but didn’t exactly know what it was she had missed. The feeling only grows when at her entryway Kay looks at Beverly for an extra-long second her green eyes looking up at Bev through her eyelashes. They are deep and as green as sunlight through leaves. The air fills with a sudden tension and Bev freezes her eyes locked with Kay’s. There’s a moment when Bev can feel her body list toward Kay’s and she swears she see’s Kay’s eyes drop to her mouth but then it’s gone. Kay blinks and Bev feels all the air rush into her lungs as she gets control of her breathing again. She leaves in a rush forgoing her usual hug not trusting herself. Her stomach flutterers with butterflies all the way home, a stupid grin planted firmly on her face as she tries to work out what in the world just happened.

Something shifts inside of Bev after their porch encounter. Now, whenever she thinks of Kay the image of her friend kissing that red head inevitably comes to her mind. At first this thought would make her blush and she would immediately make herself think of something else, like fabric or a new design she was working on. This plan of action works for about two weeks before the mental fortifications she’s built around herself start to crumble. She is standing at the kitchen counter trying to dispel the thought of Kay kissing the unnamed woman when pain blossoms across her shoulder blades sharp and bright. Tom’s voice is behind her sending her stomach to the floor.

“Now, now Beverly, I called you three times.” Being pulled so fast from fantasy to reality gives her emotional whiplash and she almost misses Tom’s next words. “What could be so important in Bev-land where you can’t hear me hmmm?” Tom is almost purring in that quiet monotone voice that Bev knows proceeds one of his “lessons”. Glancing down she sees the belt looped around his hand, a dead snake in his grip ready to lash out a moment’s notice.

“LOOK AT ME!” Tom roars making Bev jump and her eyes fly back to his face. All thoughts of Kay leave her mind for the first time in weeks and Bev misses the thought of her like a limb lost. Tom’s voice has gone back to his monotone as he slowly advances swinging the belt gently in his grip.

“Never in our years of marriage have I had to call you even twice for anything. So we’re going to have a lesson Bev. Oh yes, and you’re going to learn this one nice and good.”

Later when she’s in the downstairs shower, gently washing her bruised body and trying desperately not to cry, she thinks of Kay again. She wants to call her friend, to go over to her house and fall into the comfort and safety that Kay is. “What if you interrupt her with that red head?” a sly voice asks and she freezes at the thought. More jealousy than she thought was possible starts filling her body and Bev squeezes her eyes shut trying to quell the feeling. Trying to do anything to make herself feel better her mind searches frantically through fantasies to escape to; a white sandy beach and fruity cocktail, a cabin in a mountain range clean air and solitude, and suddenly she is imagining herself kissing Kay.

She sees herself show up at Kay’s door breathless and full of determination. Kay opens it in her bathrobe like she has dozens of times before, face quizzical and concerned. Her expression quickly morphs into confusion at the look on Bev’s face and as she opens her mouth to speak Bev moves forward and seals their mouths together in a heated kiss. She imagines that Kay’s mouth is soft and inviting, the other woman holding onto Bev just as tightly. Her heart is pounding as she exits the shower, an unmissable ache between her thighs as she dries off still imagining what it would be like to kiss Kay. By the time she is dressed and getting into the guest room bed her body feels like it’s engulfed in flames and two weeks later she sometimes feels like an inferno.

Tom had caught her staring off into space again tonight after not getting his dinner fast enough and had given her another lesson. She had left the house and come over to Kay’s in a blurry haze not thinking about her actions. It wasn’t until she was standing in front of Kay’s door that she hesitated. She hadn’t been able to shake the thought of kissing her best friend in the last couple of weeks and had even gone out of her way to avoid the other woman somewhat afraid of what she might do in her presence. It isn’t that she was afraid of kissing another woman, but this is Kay. Kay is her best friend and safe space when everything in her life is a mess. A harbor warm and safe in the maelstrom that is Bev’s life. She’s made her up her mind to turn around and go home when the door opens behind her and she hears a soft, “Bev?”

Relief floods her body at the sound of Kay’s voice and the sight of the other woman in her bathrobe a little sleep tousled but there fills her heart with warmth. “Hey Kay. Sorry if I’m interrupting anything” She blurts out before she can think. Kay blinks at her for a second confused before saying, “Wha- no, no you didn’t interrupt anyth-“Her eyes widen as she takes in Bev’s full appearance, and Bev feels her heart break just a little. There is only one reason for her to be at Kay’s this late, but she still sounds surprised and so concerned at the state Bev is in. “Shit, you look terrible. Come on, we’ll get you cleaned up.” Kay gently takes her hand and leads her to the bathroom upstairs.

Now she’s here with one of Kay’s hands holding the back of her head in place while the other gently applies antiseptic to her cheek. Bev can feel Kay’s breath gently slide across her skin as the other woman works and Bev tries desperately not to think about how her mouth might taste.

“You know your body can only take so much of this right?” It’s said quietly without preamble or judgement and Bev suddenly feels like crying. Looking up her eyes lock with green ones and she quickly glances away. “I know.” She answers her voice just as soft, “but it is what is. And it’s not always bad.” she finishes lamely. Both of them know this is a lie. They have seen the bruises even when Tom tries to hide them, but Kay just lets out a breath through her nose continuing to dab at the cut on Bev’s face. The silence grows until it vibrates like the air before a summer storm, thick and heavy with tension. When Bev can barely stand it Kay breaks open, her voice hard.

“We both know that’s bullshit! I’ve seen it Beverly. I know what he does to you. Fuck, I even know it’s probably worse than I even know! You come over with bruises I’ve never seen before.” She takes a breath but continues on before Bev can come up with some sort of excuse. “And then you just- you ask me to lie about it! For what?! For him?! What does he even do Beverly? Beside beat you senseless and make you feel like shit.”

Kay’s voice breaks on the last words her anger dissipating as quickly as it rose and Bev sees tears threatening to spill down the other woman’s cheeks. She’s up and has her arms encircling Kay’s waist before she can talk herself out of it. Kay throws her body into the embrace, surprising Bev by clinging to the back of her shirt tightly, breathing hard. They stand like that, Bev trying to offer the other woman comfort without words. Their bodies are pressed together with Kay’s face buried in the crook of her neck her breath raising goosebumps across Bev’s skin. She feels Kay’s slightly smaller body meld into hers as the other woman relaxes further, and realizes that maybe she should have thought before rushing to put the object of her infatuation so close. Their hips slot together closely as they embrace, chests rising to meet each other with each ragged breath and something clicks into place inside of her. All of her fretting for the last month seems insignificant and silly. This is Kay and everything is right and safe with Kay. She lets herself feel all of the things she had been studiously avoiding; the feel of Kay’s breast pressed against her own, the other woman’s waist under her fingertips; the skin firm but yielding under her touch, and Kay’s slightly open mouth against her neck; her breath warm and wet. A warm, pleasant heat travels from the top of her head to the apex of her thighs and she shivers under Kay’s lips. Kay freezes in her arms and goes to step back from the embrace but Bev stops her from going very far. She tightens her grip on the other woman’s waist stopping her retreat and anchoring them together.

Kay looks down at Bev’s hands and up to her face with a quizzical look. Her expression changes into something that almost makes Bev’s knees buckle; it looks like hunger, but she manages to stay upright and say, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” Her voice sounds like someone she’s never heard before; low, raspy, and full of want. The moment stretches on for eternity as Kay flits a glance to Bev’s lips, back up to her eyes, and nods almost imperceptibly.

The first brush of their lips is cool and hesitant a test of waters they’re unsure how deep may go. Both go in for a second their noses bumping slightly as they figure out the geometry of the other. Bev begins to panic and starts to pull away. She wants to try to laugh this whole thing off while there still may be time. She doesn’t want to ruin any part of their relationship and is willing to forget she was ever consumed with the thought of kissing her best friend if that means she can keep her. Before she can do any of that she feels Kay stand up on her tiptoes and press up into her body. Their mouths connect more firmly and Bev feels her entire world implode at the contact. Kay’s mouth is warmer than Bev could ever conjure in her imagination, her lips soft and pliant against hers. The other woman lets Bev lead the kiss and Bev wants. The last month of imagining has only fed the flame that is burning inside of her. She wants Kay right now more than she has ever wanted anything.

For a fleeting second there is a memory of dark tunnels, fleeing something, or chasing something and then it’s gone and all there is, is Kay.

She parts her mouth and runs her tongue along the other woman’s lips silently asking for permission. Kay lets out a soft hum of and opens her own mouth, inviting Bev in. They kiss for a while, softly exploring each other. Bev finds out that Kay enjoys gently having her lower lip sucked and she makes a point to do it again and again feeling her own body react to the low sounds she’s dragging out of Kay. She’ll never stop thinking about those sounds for as long as she lives and would do anything to hear them again and again. The heat has been growing between her thighs and she feels like she needs something more. Gathering her courage she starts to gently guide Kay towards the wall behind them taking care not to break their kiss. There’s a slight thump as the smaller woman hits the wall and Bev takes advantage of their height difference as pushes her body against Kay’s, molding their bodies more firmly together.. Kay lets out another hum of pleasure and Bev feels the sound vibrate her bones. Taking Kay’s distraction as an opportunity, she grazes her tongue against Kay’s. Another set of fireworks burst behind her eyelids at the contact, and Bev deepens the kiss further by turning her head. Kay’s hands that had been on her biceps like she was afraid to move them suddenly tangle in her hair pulling Bev impossibly closer. One of Bev’s legs is in between Kay’s thighs, and Bev can feel how hot Kay’s skin is even through their layer of clothing. Needing even more she pins Kay harder against the wall her thigh sliding up and making contact with Kay’s center finding her underwear soaked through and sticky with wetness. She wants to touch Kay, needs to feel how wet and warm she is with her hands. A low groan crawls out of her throat at the thought. It must surprise Kay because she breaks the kiss leaning back as far as their positions will allow.

Bev chases the other woman’s lips trying to reestablish their connection not finished but Kay stops her, a gentle hand on Bev’s face bringing her out her lust filled haze. Opening her eyes and trying to hide her disappointment, Bev takes Kay in; her mused hair, swollen lips, and blown pupils bring a soft happiness and a sort of smugness to her chest. She made Kay look like she had been satisfyingly bedded from only a kiss, she can’t wait to find out what else she can do. Kay pulls her back to reality with a crushing speed.

“What are we doing?” she sounds sad and the thought that the kiss, their kiss, could possibly make Kay sad breaks Bev’s heart right there. Bev drops her hands from Kay’s waist and takes a step back, her arms and heart feeling empty; her body cold in all the places where they had been touching.

“What do you mean? I asked if I could kiss you and I thought you said yes.” Her voice comes out a little rough. If it’s from the kissing or her hurt feelings she’s not sure, but Kay gets her message. The smaller woman crosses her arms defensively and juts her chin forward as she stares up at Bev.

“Yes, I did say you could kiss me. But I didn’t say you coul-could push me against a wall an-and moan like that!” Kay’s cheeks have gone impossibly red as her eyes drop to Bev’s lips. Bev reaches for her, all the blood in her body running hot under the other woman’s gaze. Kay seems to give herself a mental shake and backs up again out of Bev’s reach almost climbing up the wall to stay out of her grasp.

“We can’t do this.” Kay’s voice is pleading; at war with her desires and what she knows. “If we sleep together where does that leave us?” Bev stares at her and Kay goes on her voice getting slightly higher with emotion. “You’ll still be with Tom and I’ll still be here pining after my best friend who lets a piece of shit be a piece of shit. And Jesus what if Tom ever found out. He’d kill the both of us.”

Her mind had gotten stuck on the thought of Kay pining for her, but the last sentence hits Bev in the chest and bangs around her heart echoing painfully. Yes, if Tom ever finds out even this much had already happened Bev would be in for it, but Kay. Bev had never thought this would actually ever happen and now that it had she realizes that she’s put Kay in terrible danger. Kay nods as she sees the full gravity of what they’ve done hit Bev, her face sad but resolute.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine Tom being understanding about any of this.” Kay looks down her face still sad and Bev feels her heart fill with love and shatter in the same instant. Finalizing her decision. she hears her own heart shatter as she gathers Kay up in her arms, “I won’t apologize for kissing you, because it was the best kiss of my life. And if I was stronger I would take you into your bedroom and show you how much I could love you, but I can’t promise that we would be safe.” She hears Kay let out a strangled sob and feels her arms tighten around Bev’s neck. She continues holding Kay close so she can feel the strength in her words. “But I do promise to not put you in danger anymore Kay. I won’t be back here until I leave Tom.” She seals her promise with a kiss on the brow.

They hold each other for another moment before Bev steps back, gathers all of her stuff, and heads home.

It’s another month before she sees Kay again, bloody and vindicated on her doorstep. She tells Kay everything she can about Derry, about her re-appearing scar and memories, and the Losers. They don’t talk about them, what Bev leaving Tom for good means, but there is something different in Kay’s smile when she sends Bev off into the night, something hopeful. Bev wears like it like armor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> def more Bev/Kay this time around! Gonna post the finale sometime soon. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is gonna come in three parts! Next one is almost finished and will be up soon. Thanks for reading!


End file.
